• marija leilynn

inspiration.

inspiration flows through my very being and with few words affirming from others i believe i'm being told that inspiring others is a part-big or small-of my purpose here on earth.

as i think deeper of this inspiration-what this means to me-something within me evokes passion.

ah yes, the familiar taste called "passion" that leads me to the verge of tears and a elated sense of direction. i believe this is a small way the Spirit works in me to communicate things of growth. he shows me ways i'm slowly evolving into a bloom.

i thought on this purpose and i found that it is true, i want to make a change. a difference in the world. i want to be a voice, a help. i want to do big things with who God created me to be and i know i will only do that by letting all he is guide me. here is how i wish to truly "inspire" others:

i want to be.

in the simplest ways. living out in full freedom the passion that is Christ, and i want to give it back. i have so much inside of me that pleads on its knees-red and worn-to be let out, expressed. in images and words and action put to words that matter. i want to be the essence of poetry in motion-but without self-awareness. i want to listen to what begs of release and release it into the cloudy air i may not see. but need to trust is there.

i do not want those who see this spirit of mine, free, to simply speak affirmation upon me. i do not need recognition, or the observance of this worlds occupants parading about. i want to be the kind of inspiring that evolves the observer to ACT. to ALTER. to PONDER. i want it to be the kind of inspiring that it becomes influential by making a real difference. i don't want to plaster on a perfect life to convince someone else they can plaster one on too. i want to be raw, honest, broken, vulnerable, and genuine.

i want to be all these things because that is what proves my individuality. no similarity or difference from someone else can take that away. nothing can take that away because it is given to me my the Creator himself.

one can not make a difference if the things presented are void of meaning or lacking in honesty-to myself or others.

a question i've been asking myself lately is this:

who are you, really?

in the thickness of nothing but the whole of you-what stands? if it is a different skin than the one who knows that eyes may be watching,

why?

why did you shed yourself in pure creation? pure creation that contains the very reasons we long to know. this pure version then becomes so fabricated into something so scintillating to the fingers but the only thing a lie changes is contentment to jealousy. jealousy then drives away true inspiration and steals it's name. and with jealousy, now called "inspiration," is acted upon in ways leading to unsatisfactory results all while harboring greed and pride and i'm sure many other ugly things.

i want true change. change that brings something so good it ceases to be possible to give credit to our own being or even the rest of humanity. something so good it leaves only one thing-God.

that must mean, in order to awaken that change-that difference-that something (someONE) so good must be my driving factor.

i then have no choice but to become raw, embracing all that i truly saw in that empty space of nothing and allow freely God to lead all of me in my original copy and NOT the counterfeit i tried to create.

if he designed me, and he very well did for i would be an aimless alien if not for a creator, his original copy was intended to be the copy with the greatest purpose.

the copy full of limitations.

the copy full of emotion.

the copy full of humanity.

the copy full of vulnerability.

the copy full on innate uniqueness before it was tampered with my the likes of me, and was never intended to have multiple copies to begin with. i was originally made with the almost unthinkable potential to change the world around me.

that is who i want to be. and how do i become her?

by being still.

be still and he will be made known. he-the Maker of me-will reveal the map to my being and i can finally listen. carefully he tells me what i need when i need it if only i'm still. quiet.

still to love.

still to be.

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